Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Just a Short While

Just a Short While
By Cortney Shurtz (12-4-07)

Sent to earth for a divine purpose
No one knew how much I truly loved you.
You entered my womb and left an imprint on my heart
My life was forever changed by your sweet, tender spirit.

Then in an instant everything grew still, and I knew you were gone.
I sobbed because I knew the world lost out on such an amazing person.
How could I ever explain my beautiful baby to a world who never felt your embrace?
I wish they could see what I felt in my heart and soul for you.
Will the world ever get to know you like I did?

“Well, at least you can get pregnant and try again” they say
Did it occur to them that you were a beautiful, perfect baby in our eyes?
From the moment you were created from Mommy and Daddy’s love,
You’re unique features were decided from your gender, to your eyes,
All the way down to the day you would be born into this world.
There will never be one quite like you, my beautiful, precious angel.
You will never be to me, an object that is replaceable,
but an amazing spirit sent from God.

I hope that you know just how much you were and will always be loved.
You were not able to come to earth to laugh, and love, and play,
but I would like to think that our love for you was so pure and true,
that Heavenly Father allowed you to go straight to Heaven.
Heavenly Father will take care of you my sweet, beautiful angel,
until that miraculous day when we will be able to reunite.

If the world never sees you like I was able to,
I will forever be grateful for the experience and opportunity.
The wonderful opportunity that Heavenly Father entrusted only us to do.
Thank you for allowing us to be your eternal parents,
Even if the world only saw it as just a short while

Monday, November 19, 2007

What Makes a Mother

Written by Jennifer WasikIn memory of Zachery Wasik.
I thought of you and closed my eyes And prayed to God today I asked "What makes a Mother?" And I know I heard Him say. "A Mother has a baby" This we know is true "But God can you be a Mother, When your baby's not with you?" "Yes, you can," He replied With confidence in His voice "I give many women babies, When they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime, And others for the day. And some I send to feel your womb, But there's no need to stay." "I just don't understand this God I want my baby to be here." He took a deep breath and cleared His throat, And then I saw the tear. "I wish I could show you, What your child is doing today. If you could see your child's smile, With all the other children and say... 'We go to Earth to learn our lessons, Of love and life and fear. My Mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come strait here. I feel so lucky to have a Mom, Who had so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly, My Mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much, But I visit her every day. When she goes to sleep, On her pillow's where I lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, And whisper in her ear. Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.' "So you see my dear sweet ones, your children are okay. Your babies are born here in My home, And this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with Me, Until your lesson's through. And on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates for you. So now you see what makes a Mother, It's the feeling in your heart it's the love you had so much of Right from the very start Though some on earth may not realize, you are a Mother. Until their time is done. They'll be up here with Me one day and know that you are the best one!"

When will the sorrow end?

Josh and I have been married for three years today. He is an amazing man who has stood by me and consoled me in our darkest times. We've been trying to start a family for about 16 months now and have had four miscarriages in the process. We really don't know what is going on, nor do our doctors. We will have to do more tests and hope that something appears (or do we hope that nothing appears?). Gosh...it's so hard. No one can quite understand how it is to lose a child, let alone four, unless they've gone through it. It's heartbreaking to go through the reasoning in your head of why God chose not to allow these sweet spirits to come to earth. Is it because we're not ready or not good enough? I see people on t.v. all the time who neglect their kids, leave their kids for dead, do drugs, the list goes on....are they deserving on kids and not us? These thoughts play in my head through my darkest hours, and it is through hope and faith that I can dig my way back up to breathe. I know we go through trials and experiences in our lives for a reason, so I am going to start this blog as a support system for those who are experiencing the same pain. Hopefully we can find solace in one another's trials. I want to be there for others because I know how dark and discouraging miscarrying can be. No one quite knows what to say...so it becomes an unspoken secret. A person can't possibly get over the pain of miscarrying in a week, even a month. It is an ongoing trial to overcome. Sometimes, as with all things in life, people are there for a while (as with any death) and then slowly they start to forget. As mothers, I don't think we ever forget what it was like to feel that life inside of us, and have it ripped away. It is my hope that I can reach out to those through my own experiences. I want to start doing baskets. As dumb as that might sound, these baskets will have poems, songs on a cd to cry to, maybe books on how to overcome. I haven't thought of it all yet, but I want to do it. I want to do so much!